More Than Mere Survival
Dear Hope Nation, Emptiness is at the center of my addiction. Whether addiction is environmental or genetic or some complex interplay between the two, my disease is like a black hole at my core, a vacuum that draws in all other parts of me. Drugs and alcohol were a...
Intertwined
Dear Hope Nation, “I never intended this, of course.”—first sentence of What Trouble Looks Like, my first, unpublished novel. Yesterday I wrote about Mary Jordan, and how her perhaps unfounded faith in me led to a positive outcome. Today I move to the darker side of...
She Believed in Me
Dear Hope Nation, A few days ago, I wrote about two incidents that demonstrated faith. In one, the belief in a man paid off; in the other, I didn’t get a roast beef sandwich. Since I spent five hours driving Friday, going to Berlin to visit a nonprofit and spend time...
None of them knew what they were doing
Dear Hope Nation, “None of us truly knows the good we do, or, more important, the evil we prevent by our actions. Like Kierkegaard, we must leap, hopeful and filled with faith that our works matter. They do.” --Quote from my old office wall, which I think...
Faith, Trust, and Hope
Dear Hope Nation, I had two experiences today that demonstrate opposite poles in my life philosophy. Let me explain. I sat down with an old friend I’ll call Larry at lunchtime just to catch up and talk. I first met Larry in a previous life—not literally exactly, but...
If you’d be willing
Dear Hope Nation, Most of you know me as either a pompous clown or a mystical nitwit, either of which applies. Oddly, I also have other roles, different parts to play in this glorious medley of extemporanea we call life. Without any effort on my part, life...
Quietly Screaming
Dear Hope Nation, There’s a quiz at the end of this letter, but first, there’s a bit of background. Hollow, that’s how Jonah felt. Hollow with an interior of sludge. Hollow with an interior of sludge and a ringing in his ears that combined dread, horror and an intense...
What Comes After After?
Dear Hope Nation, Back on March 15, when Hope closed for the first time because of COVID concerns, I started writing daily letters to you. Over the next three months, I wrote 120 letters. If you’re interested, you can find them here on the Hope website. While you’re...
The Next Right Thing
Dear Hope Nation, One more straw. That’s all. The landlord’s note on Jared’s door wasn’t the end of the world. Just one more straw, and Jared didn’t want to be a camel. “Hey Jarod—Rent’s due Wednesday. Today is Thursday. Please see me.” Just a note, but his name was...
Call Hope, Attend a Zoom Meeting, Reach Out for Help
Dear Hope Nation, I have a lot of wishes. I wish I were five inches taller—making me 5’7”. I wish I looked more like John Cusack and less like Jon Cryar (the dorky brother on “Two-and-a-Half Men.”) I wish I were younger, faster, stronger, more dripping with charisma,...
Hope Continues
Dear Hope Nation,Hope continues.Hope floats.Hope thrives.Hope is, with apologies to Dylan Thomas, the force that through the fuse drives the flower.The Hope building, though, is closed for now due to the recent increase in COVID-19 cases, hospitalizations and deaths....
A good day for interpretive dance.
Dear Hope Nation, Today is the day we begin our journey into the Land of After. The journey across the Sea of During seemed endless, and some of us thought After was imaginary. The quarantine/sheltering-at-home/isolation/call-it-what-you-will seemed it would last...
We are peers, fellow wanderers on the path of recovery
Dear Hope Nation, I apologize in advance for the length of this letter. Let it be some small consolation it could easily be five times as long. Today is Sunday, so you may have the time to sit back and read. Or not. I just have some things I need to say, hoping...
We are friends, you and me
Dear Hope Nation, Last Thursday I was sitting in a restaurant, masked and the only person in the dining room, waiting for a friend. We were scheduled to meet at 5, and I got there a little early, giving me a chance to watch the folks in the adjoining bar. There were a...
We will make mistakes
Dear Hope Nation, The journey is over. We are pulling into After. Hope for New Hampshire Recovery is reopening weekdays from 3-7 pm beginning next Monday. Read on for all the details, but before you do, let me say congratulations to all of you. You made it across...
Big News is Coming
Dear Hope Nation, For the last 107 days, I’ve written you daily, sometimes about serious matters, sometimes about recovery, sometimes simply silly musings of an old man. From the beginning, I’ve used the metaphor of a ship’s crossing of a sea. These letters can be...
Do Ghosts Have a Life Span?
Dear Hope Nation, I’m lucky. I’m lucky enough. I’m lucky enough to live. I’m lucky enough to live in the country. I’m lucky enough to live in the country, outside of Manchester’s light pollution. My daughter is gone for the week, I don’t have the attention span to...
A Self Portrait of Sorts
Dear Hope Nation, Regular readers of these letters know I’m but half educated. The half I know is the humanities—literature, art, history, sociology, etc. Of the other half--hard science, math, engineering—I am blissfully ignorant. This overwhelming focus on human...
Mixed feelings over mixed messages
Dear Hope Nation, There’s no accounting for taste. Once every week or so, I devote this letter to quotations on various subjects. Some of you absolutely love the respite from news about Hope or thoughts on recovery. I’ve gotten many emails and seen some Facebook posts...
The Catalyzing Event
Dear Hope Nation, Part Three of Three Anyone who’s read Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past, now apparently translated as In Search of Lost Time, remembers his madeleine, with memories springing forth from just a crumb of that pastry. There’s a madeleine in today’s...
Happy Fourth
Dear Hope Nation, Happy Fourth of July! Part Three of the Series will come tomorrow. For today, a special letter. Two-Thousand-Twenty is one of those glorious years when Independence Day falls on the 4th of July, so we get to celebrate two holidays at once! Whether...
At least I’m not that bad
Dear Hope Nation, Part Two of Three Yesterday I introduced the notion of oceanic feeling, the sense of being in the hand of the gods (or God) and the universe. This feeling, I believe, is central to all religious experience, and those of us who have inherited the...
One of three – Stream or Ocean
Dear Hope Nation, Part One of Three My most interesting conversations take place at recovery meetings of one flavor or another. Last night I was involved in a discussion with another guy about water—not about drinking water, not about water rights, not even about its...
The challenge of waiting for changes to happen
Dear Hope Nation, I just attended the noontime all-recovery meeting behind Hope. Like cold orange juice first thing in the morning, spending time with folks in early-ish recovery opens my eyes and makes me happy to be alive. Among the many things we talked about that...
Not mining for catastrophe
Dear Hope Nation, The other day I was in an all-recovery meeting, talking about how one extracts good from evil. That is, how can evil experiences be transformed to lessons, comfort or wisdom? Anyone who’s ever eaten an unripe avocado knows how bitter that fruit can...